Our Infertility Journey

            Having gotten married at a slightly older age than most LDS couples (Taylor—28, Me—27), we had no thoughts of waiting long to start our family.  We never took measures to prevent pregnancy, but after a year and a half of trying without success, we decided to seek medical assistance.  We first went to my primary care physician.  After ruling out any issues with Taylor, we were prescribed clomid.  Very often, clomid is the first stop in fertility protocols for female-related infertility.  I responded mildly well for two cycles and then did not respond at all during a third cycle.  Feeling that my issues would require medical care outside of her expertise and comfort level, my primary care physician recommended that we see Dr. Gurtcheff at the Utah Fertility Clinic in Pleasant Grove, Utah.  After several months of diligently praying and soul searching, we felt that the Utah Fertility Center was the place we needed to go to in order to grow our family.  In September of 2013 we made our first appointment.  Subsequent appointments followed and I was finally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). 

PCOS is not a fully understood disease.  The medical community isn’t fully aware of the causes, but the symptoms and effects of the disease are quite clear.  Fundamentally, there is a hormonal imbalance that causes a wide range of secondary side effects, some visible and some hidden – acne, weight gain, insulin resistance, depression, irregular cycles, and anovulation (not ovulating) just to name a few.  The hormonal imbalance has severe ramifications with respect to fertility and the likelihood of becoming pregnant.  While I was very upset with the diagnosis, I was also relieved to finally have a diagnosis.  With a diagnosis and with the expertise of Dr. Gurtcheff, I felt like we had the tools we needed to overcome infertility and achieve our lifelong goal of becoming parents.

Each cycle consists of a cocktail of medications to help normalize different aspects of the menstrual cycle.  At this point, other than the medications, we did not require any other Advanced Reproductive Technologies (ART).  Our first cycle resulted in a short-lived success – a chemical pregnancy, or a very early miscarriage.  While we were very sad that the treatments did not result in a viable pregnancy, I was very excited to see that the drugs were having their desired effect.  We were both very eager to try another round of fertility treatments. 

Our second round of fertility treatments also saw limited success, but was accompanied by an immense amount of sadness and disappointment.  We confirmed another pregnancy just before the 2013 Christmas holiday.  We went back to the clinic shortly after the New Year and heard a heartbeat for the first time.  Taylor and I were ecstatic.  We began doing all the normal things that couples do when they find out they are expecting.  We thought of names.  We thought of clever ways to announce it to our family and friends.  We started looking at cribs, and clothes, and blankets, and all the other fun things that go along having a baby.  It was the realization of our most ardent desires and sincere dreams.  We were scheduled for another ultrasound shortly after – it would be our last before starting appointments with a regular gynecologist.  As we prepped for and began the ultrasound, I could tell something was wrong.  The nurse kept searching for a heartbeat, but all we could hear was the low-frequency hum of the medical instruments.  The silence confirmed our worst fears – we were losing our baby.  The nurse looked at me and verbally confirmed what we already knew.  She gave her condolences and then left us for a moment to compose ourselves.  With my head down, I left the room and made a beeline for the exit.  It took every bit of strength to make it to car.  Once inside, I completely broke down.  Even to this day, I’m not sure that I’ve completely recovered.  Two weeks later, in late January 2014, I miscarried our baby at 9 weeks 3 days.

Continuing treatments since then has been nothing short of a physical and emotional roller coaster ride.  We completed an additional 4 cycles with no success before moving on to another treatment protocol, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).  Despite all the medications working perfectly, our first and only IUI cycle was unsuccessful.  We have since taken a short break from infertility treatments and have tried to focus on being healthier physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Each of these areas has taken a hard toll in our infertility journey.

Infertility also takes a hard toll financially.  At the moment, the prescription medications for a single cycle of treatment cost a little over $800 – and that’s after our insurance coverage kicks in!  We know that we can achieve our dream of becoming parents through these medical technologies, but we have emaciated our savings in trying to do so.  I’m hoping that through these Pics for ‘Scripts events (I’ll be holding several throughout the year) we will be able to pay for the prescription medications required for each treatment cycle. Prescription medications represent the vast majority of the expense associated with each treatment cycle.  One hundred percent of the money donated to Pics for ‘Scripts will go directly towards the prescription medications required for my treatment.

I sincerely appreciate the time you have taken to read our story and journey through infertility.  If nothing else, I hope I have offered some insight into the struggles couples face when dealing with infertility.  If you are interested in contributing, please click here. 

You can call me Master Jess

I’ve been writing … just not here.  It only took me about 15 months longer than it should have, but I have completed my project.  With that, I have completed all requirements for graduation from the Masters of Statistics program at Brigham Young University.  The department was kind enough to allow met to walk last April, so I’ve already gone through all the pomp and circumstance.  Now it’s time to get that 8.5x11 piece of paper!  I’ll have to update this post when that little piece of paper arrives.  In the meantime, for proof of concept …

I had to make a deal with myself that any and all writing efforts would go towards my thesis.  This explains why nearly an entire summer has gone by and I haven’t written a thing!  A lot has been going on, so I may have to have some flashback posts to some of the earlier parts of the summer.

In any case, it’s good to have that monkey off my back!

Hanging Out

Summer is a fantastic time of year for residents of South Provo, particularly the Deerhaven community.  There is almost always some ward activity, pickup game, or party to attend, and more often than not, your problem is choosing what to do, not finding something to do.  I took advantage of this, and made it a point to invite Taylor to many activities.  Of course, I continued to encourage and hope he would attend FHE on Mondays, Ultimate Frisbee at Bicentennial Park on Tuesdays followed by Stake Softball league games, Stake Institute on Wednesdays, and pickup basketball at a nearby church on Thursdays.  Friday and Saturday evenings were usually occupied by some random party or outing.      

To my delight, Taylor did decide to attend several of these activities over the following weeks.  At frisbee and basketball, I was happy to learn that Taylor was quite athletic.  I wasn’t able to track him down at Institute, but he was fairly vigilant in attending church activities at the ward level.  I didn’t see him very often at any of the random Friday or Saturday evening events.  Clearly I needed to step up my game!

I had conveniently run out of ink, and took my empty ink cartridge to the Think Ink store at the University Mall during a lunch break at work.  I made sure my hair, makeup, and clothes were just right.  Unfortunately, Taylor was not at work that particular day.  I asked the young man work there if he knew when Taylor would be in.  I was informed he would be in the next day and I resolved to try again tomorrow.  The next day, I repeated the same process of making sure that everything was just right with my hair, makeup, and clothes and once again made my way to the mall.  He was there this time, and we had a short, but positive interaction.  I felt like I was finally starting to make a bit of an impact and I felt confident enough to try and expand our interactions to something a little more personal.  At a ward FHE the following Monday, I suggested that Taylor, his roommate, Thomas, and I go see X-Men First Class on Friday.   I had already seen it, but seeing a movie with Taylor was well worth the price of admission (not to mention that it’s one of my favorite movies).  

Friday finally arrived and I was very excited for some one on (almost) one time with Taylor.  The evening went great with one exception.  For all the time I spent primping and grooming, you would think I would notice that one of the buttons of my shirt was undone, but alas I did not.  Taylor did, however, and he was kind enough to tell me about it.  He was very polite, but I was still very embarrassed.  I did my best not to let it affect my demeanor for the rest of the evening.   

Undeterred, Taylor and I saw each other very casually several times over the following weeks.  Most notably was my birthday.  Although there was a larger party planned for the Friday following my birthday, a group of friends and I went out for ice cream to celebrate on my actual birthday.  Naturally, I made sure that both Taylor and Thomas knew they were invited.  I was even able to somehow finagle my way into getting a ride with the two of them in Thomas’ truck.  First, we went to Sammy's, a hole-in-the-wall restaurant off Center Street in Provo.  Living up to its reputation for being a popular hangout spot, the wait to order was easily 45 minutes.  Not wanting to wait that long for ice cream, our group moved to Dairy Queen – slightly more commercial, but certainly capable of filling our ice cream cravings. 

I was very busy playing host, and making sure that I got to sit and visit with each of my friends who were kind enough to take time out of their schedules to celebrate my birthday.  I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time talking to Taylor as I wanted to – probably a good thing as I didn’t want to appear too eager.  Even so, I was not very pleased with the amount of time he spent talking to one particular female friend, Christina Laymen.  To make matters worse, he opted to drive home with her and not Thomas and, in turn, not me.  

A few days later there was a more official birthday celebration hosted by my friend Tracy (check out Tracy's blog post for all the details).  It was a joint birthday venture with another ward member whose birthday was the day after mine.  It was a Michael Jackson theme, and the main form of entertainment was the popular Wii game The Michael Jackson experience on a projector.  Many people came to the party, but Taylor was not among the attendees.  He did text me a few times, wherein I learned that he was at a play in support of a friend was participating in.  Of course I assumed that said friend was a girl (later on, Taylor would admit that this was true and that he had been out with this girl a few times).  Nevertheless, the party was great fun.   

On both nights, I went home slightly defeated, but not overwhelmingly crushed.  He was just a silly boy, and I shouldn’t let myself get too interested or disappointed too quickly.  

Debt Crisis?

Saw this article on theonion.com today and it made me laugh.  Warning:  Do not browse theonion.com.  Some of the content on there can be extremely offensive.  This article caught my eye in my newsfeed on facebook.  It has been screened for your pleasure :)

Couple Has Nest Egg of Debt to Make Sure They've Got Some Money to Owe Down the Road


BRIMLEY, MI—Local couple Matt and Wendy Ratliff told reporters Tuesday that they have been steadily building up a nest egg of debt to make sure that they always had something tucked away to owe banks and creditors no matter what the future held. "We've been saving a little debt each year for about 15 years now, which might not sound like much, but as the debt grows over time, it will hopefully provide us with a nice chunk of debt we can dig into later on if we happen to run into any unexpected prosperity," said Wendy Ratliff, 47, adding that if she and her husband stuck to their plan, they would have enough outstanding payments stashed away to not only retire in debt but also to ensure that their children could inherit some of their debt as well. "It was a little difficult setting aside the debt at first, but after awhile, we just got used to it. Now we barely notice how crippling it's going to be." Ratliff said the nest egg was personally important to her, as her own mother had never put any debt aside and was now an elderly widow with almost no source of financial hardship.

Making Contact

May 2012 was a very uncertain and somewhat stressful time for me.  Having completed my coursework for my Master’s Degree, I was desperately searching for a job.  To make matters even worse, the transmission in my car died and I was without transportation.  Boys were the furthest thing from my mind, especially considering it had been a very long time since there was someone that I was excited to see at church or any other of my social outlets.

Enter Tyler Langford.  My favorite part of church is the partaking of the sacrament.  Not only is it a quiet time for personal reflection, concentration on the Savior’s Atonement, and other deep and meaningful facets of life and the gospel, but it is also the best time of church to check out any new guys in the ward.  Ok, I am admittedly kidding, but … the first time I noticed Tyler was while he was passing the sacrament.  Having been in the ward for just under 2 years, I was able to quickly single him out as a new member.  I also happened to notice that he was very cute and an active, worthy Priesthood holder, which my experiences in the ward has taught me meant that he would be a highly sought after prize for the other women in the ward.  Over the next several weeks, I kept an eye out for him at FHE, Institute, other ward functions and non-ward sponsored social events, but I only ever saw him during sacrament meeting and occasionally when we would attend the same Sunday School class.  At this point, interactions were usually limited to a nod and a smile.  After checking all the usual sources (fellow ward members, facebook, lds.org, etc.) I was able to learn only the most basic information:  His name was Tyler and his roommate was Thomas.    

By mid-June I got my big breakthrough.  I attended a special FHE where several groups go to the home of a bishopric member.  I was elated when I walked in the door and saw Tyler sitting in the front room.  I chose a seat that wasn’t right next to him, but close enough that I would be noticed.  After an opening prayer and song, he was introduced by his roommate and our FHE group leader, Thomas with, “and Taylor has our lesson.“  TAYLOR!!!! Duh???!!!  No wonder I had so much trouble finding out any additional information.  Taylor gave a wonderful lesson, and the group then proceeded to have an activity and a treat.  I remember making such a concerted effort to seem cool, something that doesn’t come very naturally for me ;)  We did have a very short conversation, wherein I learned that he worked at an Ink Refill store at the University Mall.  I didn’t want to seem over eager in spending too much time with Taylor, so I was sure to make my usual rounds with the other attendees. 

I tried not to seem too obvious as I watched him leave and I got in my car to go.  Overall, the evening was victorious.  I had a name (a real name) and he had mine. 

Welcome

Don’t mind if I do!  I saw this meme floating around on facebook, and I had an incredible epiphany … I just got married.  I should create a blog and so that everyone can know how happy I am!  It’s taken me several weeks to get this put together, but I feel that the blog finally looks good enough for me to start posting entries.  I’m sure you’ll notice that a lot of the links and buttons are not connected to any pages yet … be patient, I’m working on it!  We are now 4 months into our eternal marriage, so I apologize that you have missed out on 4 months of the happiness ;)

But seriously … I thought a blog would be a really fun, creative way to document our adventures, our trials, places we go, things we learn, things we do, etc.  In essence, I want to create a journal for our family; something we can look back on after each year and reminisce in the memories and milestones.  

So with that, I welcome you to the Taylor and Jessica Langford Family Blog, “For the Love of Langford.”  I hope you’ll check in on us from time to time.